Surrendering the Key

"Silence is the sleep that nourishes wisdom." -Sir Francis Bacon

Silence is most certainly golden. I don’t mean gilded in gold, with a pristine lacquer jacket and rusted inner organs. No, I’m talking about pure, 100%, bonafide, 24k gold. The kind of gold that runs for $1159.20 USD per oz (on a good day).

Friends, for an experiment that was supposed to last a total of 21 days (the Wikipedia-guaranteed time minimum for habit-breaking)… I have been silent for 21 days AND four months.

During this extended time of reflection I have laughed more than I can remember laughing in eons, and I have had enough adventures to take me contentedly into 2015.

I learned a different kind of bravery when I single-handedly brought down the house with a moving rendition of Barbara Streisand’s “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and an encore performance of Ella Fitzgerald’s “Summertime.” Red-faced, clammy-handed, and grinning from ear to ear, I took a bow before a ship-full of strangers and laughed, delighted, when the pianist kissed my hand and called me dahhhhling, with just the right amount of accent. It was truly the cruise of a lifetime.

I cultivated quality time with family. Board games, card games, and crossword puzzles, I played them all. The ensuing movie nights, family dinners, sports games, cleaning sprees, impromptu family extravaganzas, time spent with the people I love made all of the silent hours worth it.

Finally, the most important thing that I did during my silent, self-imposed hiatus, was to practice loving myself. I took advantage of the silence and remembered the things that make me a unique and valued individual. I relearned the hopes, the dreams and the deep-dark cries of my heart and for the first time in a long time, I listened.

Silence is indeed golden.

If you are anything like me, you are currently spending too much time spinning tall tales, too much time laughing at the jokes of others, and not enough time making memories of your own. Here is the good news, its not too late to learn the truth. In the words of Lao Tzu, “Silence is a source of great strength.”

Until now, I’ve been caught up in the crazy-wonderful-heartbeat of good-intentions until a few of my quickly spoken words became too bitter to swallow back down. In the past few months of silence I have done MORE. I have loved MORE. I have laughed MORE. And I have lived MORE.

And here is the best update of all…

While I was busy keeping this wicked tongue of mine silent, I turned inward and set myself (and my pen) loose on my greatest adventure to date. For every word that I have deprived you of, my friends, I have given my story two. For every page of travels I have forsaken in silence, I have taken my characters to places of new heights.

The time has come. This year has been a journey to top all journeys, and an adventure to be remembered. I thank you all for the love and support, and the words of encouragement. I am proud to announce that my 1^st novel is nearly complete! In my silence I found the voice I had been missing for a while. My own.

Beloved, place a guard over the cover of your mouth and throw away the key. Give it to your husband, your wife, your significant other, your sister, your brother, your best friend. Or best of all, give it to your God for safe-keeping, and listen, what you hear when you are silent just may surprise you.

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“He who has knowledge uses words with restraint: and a man of understanding is even-tempered.”  (Proverbs 17:27)

The Language of Silence

"Silence is a source of Great Strength." -Lao Tzu

I’ve been told that I have a tendency to be long-winded. In fact, I have actually been banned from ALL joke-telling, including my all-time favorite joke (the Potato Joke). My biggest problem is that I can’t always remember the logistics of most jokes, and I always begin laughing somewhere in the middle and give away the punch line. (not to mention that fact that each joke literally lasts 15 minutes!) See Exhibit A:

ACT 1

Wailana Coffee House

[Cue lights. A lone karaoke singer belts out Sam Cooke’s “A Change is Gonna Come” in the background and a police car can be heard racing by the old picture windows]

Narrator: The story unfolds as our characters sit down for a midnight meal at their favorite coffee shop. Kanani begins what appears to be a terrible attempt at joke-telling while her horrified friends look on helplessly, unable to escape.

Begin Scene 1

Kanani: “Okay, so there were these three guys and they were all escaped convicts.” Long pause. “Oh wait, they are just regular convicts because they haven’t escaped yet.” Expectant pause. “Okay, so there were these three guys who were convicts and then one day there was an explosion outside that caused a big commotion and they escaped from jail and made a mad dash for the woods.” Scratches head in bewilderment. “Oh wait, I think the explosion actually blew up their jail cell and the guys escaped while everyone was trying to get away from the blast.” Yet another pause. “Darn it. Was it a blast? I think so.” Shrugs shoulders. “Oh nevermind. All the guys escaped and they were running towards the woods.” Laughs uproariously. “Oh shoot. Was it the woods or did they hide in the corn fields first? Urm, that part actually happens later… Should I start again?”

[15 min later]

Kanani: “Isn’t that the best joke you’ve ever heard?”

K: “Okay Kanan, whatever you say.”

M: “Wait, that was a joke?”

D: “You have got to be kidding me.”

Kanani: “So… should I tell it again??”

K/M/D: “NO!!! You are never allowed to tell anymore jokes.”

As you can see, long-winded is somewhat of an understatement. I’ve made a career for myself out of talking, and I used to take great pride in the beauty of carefully crafted words and the shaping of sentences.

No longer.

I don’t want to be known as the girl-who-can’t-keep-her-mouth-shut or the girl-whose-jokes-go-on-forever-and-ever! I’ve been told that it takes at least 21 days to break a habit. Therefore, I am adopting a new mentality. For the next three weeks I am striving to learn the language of silence.

Its been a while since I’ve thought about my favorite all time ‘olelo no’eau, “I ka ‘olelo no ke ola, I ka ‘olelo no ka make.” (In the word there is life, and in the word there is death). With just a single word we have the power to destroy someone’s world, but we also have the power to save someone’s life. In this case I am saving myself.

Despite my best intentions, recently my spoken words seem to have done more harm then good. The only way I can see to rectify this is to choose to speak less words and focus more on THE WORD.

In the book of Exodus the Israelites are pursued by Pharaoh, and it is Moses who encourages the people not to be afraid. His words of wisdom? “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be silent” (Ex 14:14). Right now, I am ready to let the Lord step forward, while I take a step back and spend a little more time listening. I think there is great wisdom in silence, but it is not a language of familiarity for me. The next three weeks will be an adventure… I’ll let you know how it goes!

                                                                 

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“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” (Psalm 141:3)

Love Does

A few weeks ago I read a book that changed my life. Yes, yes, I know that I tend to lean towards the overdramatic, but I can honestly say that in a time of truly dismal happenstance this book was not only a breath of fresh air, but also an unexpected balm to my slightly broken heart.

It was 15 minutes until closing when I wandered into the bookstore in search of some desperately needed inspiration. High on the corner shelf sat the book with its bright teal cover and multi-colored balloons. LOVE DOES, by Bob Goff. As I stared up at the shelf my heart twitched a little.

“Love?” the internal monologue began with a grimace. “Where was Love when I was slandered by carefully crafted lies and my spirit was left for dead? Where was Love when I lost my job and was displaced by the church I called home? Where was Love when I realized I no longer recognized myself in the mirror?” I knew without a shadow of a doubt that this year, Love had abandoned me.

Another twitch. The title intrigued me, LOVE DOES. I couldn’t help but reach for the book to peruse the summary with a cynical eye. Right below the title sat the words, “Discover a secretly incredible life in an ordinary world.”

I scoffed in disbelief. “There is nothing incredible about my life right now. Love has scorned me.”

As a writer, a small secret part of me still believes that books can talk. Not simply the characters living within the span of their pages, but the actual compilation of bound spines and ornately colored faces. As I struggled to reign in my turbulent thoughts I heard this book call my name, plain and simple. “Kanani.”  So I answered.

I’ve been writing a lot about Love recently, chewing over tough-to-swallow bits of reality and lamenting my traitorous heart. What does it mean when Love is challenged by circumstance? At what point do you stop fighting if you see Love slipping away? How do you fight back if your Love is stolen from you? Where do you turn if the voice of Love is silent in the face of pain, shame and doubt? How do you recover if Love is betrayed by itself?

But even after pondering circumstance after circumstance, I’ve never once made an attempt to define Love.

In his book, Bob Goff shares his belief that, “Love takes action.” Love doesn’t just stop at thoughts or feelings, Love doesn’t posture or delude, Love doesn’t supply empty platitudes or false promises, “it pursues blindly, unflinchingly, and without end.” Simply put, “Love Does.”

This small and simple revelation changed my life.

When I stood in that bookstore and grappled with my own feelings of pain and inadequacy. I forgot that Love is not stationary. My love-quota had been reduced to a pile of dangerously smoldering ashes, and the raging fire of my spirit had finally been doused to the point of darkness.

As I devoured word after word after word of Bob’s “secretly incredible life,” I was reminded of the simple truth I had somehow forgotten. My God IS Love (1 John 4:8). I am loved by a force that is as unyielding as Bob described, by a power so pure and true that it surpasses my understanding and is born anew day after day.

Dear ones, and so are you. In a world that sometimes appears love-less, lonely and lost, you and I are loved by Love daily, (whether we know it or not). And that same Love calls us to action to share that abiding JOY with everyone that our lives touch. Beloved, you have the power to take action and make someone’s ordinary world extraordinary. Because Love doesn’t just sit around feeling sorry for itself. Love doesn’t gossip, Love doesn’t allow itself to get caught up in politics or drama. Love doesn’t just “talk the talk.” 

Simply put, “Love Does.”

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“We love because He first loved us.” (1 John 4:19)