The Devil Owns the Fence

"Honesty is never seen sitting astride the fence."
(Lemuel K. Washburn)

I didn’t write at all last week. For the first time since I started this project I had much to say and no way to say it. My heart was so full that it felt as though it would explode from my chest at any minute and burst open on the pavement. There was no respite.

Every word that I tried to inscribe felt lifeless and flat. Every sentence seemed dull and fake. I was trapped by my own fears, enslaved by insecurity and the bitterness of old wounds. Have you ever felt this way?

Recently my life has been overwhelmed with one blessing after another. Exciting friendships, celebrations of life, new career options, and Godly beginnings. BUT I’ve learned that this joyful time of peace and happiness is the time when the Enemy is most active. Beloved, guard your hearts against self-doubt and the seeds of darkness that are sowed in the still quiet moments after joyful celebration.

I have finally succumbed.

This underground battle has been raging around me for weeks and I have refused to acknowledge its existence, to take a stand, to pick a side. I have refused to speak out in defense of my own innocence. I have allowed myself to be silenced. The time has come for me to determine how to defend myself against Evil and still maintain my identity and self-worth. My honor is at stake.

Lies. Rumors. Two-faced accusations. Petty whispers behind my back. Childish cat-fights. and more lies. I rebuke you. I refuse to acknowledge the viciousness of your musings and give credence to your claims. I rebuke you again. And again.

The place that was once a sanctuary to me has become a Lion’s den, a living hell, a place of noxious action and cancerous intent. Every. Single. Day. And I am faced with the decision to STAY or GO. My own ego forbids me to kneel before my accusers, but my heart is in submission to a higher power and this obedience demands FIGHT over FLIGHT. I am afraid.

A short parable circulated FB amongst my Christian friends. Jesus was preaching in a field on one side of a fence, while the Devil spoke to followers on the other side. Jesus invited those on His side of the fence to follow Him to their eternal destination and the Devil did the same. Once everyone had departed one man remained behind sitting on the fence in the middle of the field. The Devil returned and said, “There you are! Come with me.” The man looked around and said, “Why? I’m on the fence.” The Devil smiled at the man and replied... “I own the fence.”

I cannot straddle the fence any longer. I’ve already dedicated my life to Christ, and I accept all of the struggle that has come alongside me. But my question for you my friends is this, “At what point do we cry out to God and say to Him, ‘This is more than I can bear. Please give me a way out so I can stand up under it!’” Because in my eyes. It seems to me like evil is putting up one hell of a fight, and I haven’t even made it into the ring yet.

I feel like God is shouting in my heart “GET OFF THE FENCE KANANI!” And this is the encouragement that I choose to pass along to you. Throughout my prayers in the past few days God has led me to a place where I believe that getting off the fence means standing up for righteousness, speaking the truth amidst deceit, and most importantly, defending MYSELF against the enemy. Though it pains me to say it... some things are black and white.

During times when our own character is under attack we begin to question ourselves. Maybe I did say that? Maybe I should change myself? Maybe they’re right? I was so full of self-doubt that I nearly took myself out of the game before the sound of the first buzzer. Think again Satan. I do not plan to go down that easy!

If I make myself small for them, then they win. If I begin to doubt my own integrity, then they win. When I gave my life to Christ I swore that never again would I kneel for anyone but God Himself. Its time for me to keep that promise.

Beloved, if there is anyone in your life who tries to chase you back onto the fence... Get off and stand your ground! Even if I am beaten at every round this week, at least I will be able to face my Father in Heaven knowing that I stood up for myself, and for Him. I spoke the truth when it counted, No Illusions.

*      *      *

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (Ephesians 6:10-18)