Wayfinding Through the Storm

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning how to dance in the rain." (Vivian Greene)

Although recently I have found myself overwhelmed by winds and rains that have rivaled hurricanes of epic proportion, my life is slowly coming back into focus through the fog. I am happy to report that since I have been able to partake in the miracle that is sustenance, every facet of my life has improved; my mental clarity, my emotional state, my ability to see the glass half full again, and most importantly, my faith.

I am no stranger to storms. I think about my life at a glance and the poem “Mother to Son,” by Langston Hughes immediately comes to mind. “Life for [her] ain’t been no crystal stair,” but still she encourages her son to push past the tacks, splinters and torn up boards and keep on climbing, even during the times where “there ain’t been no light.”

Some of the lights in my life have gone out. I’ve languished for a few months now trying to determine my course of direction, to no avail. In fact, if I am going to be entirely truthful here, after facing so many trials in my pre-Christ days, this time I figured I would simply wait for the “this too shall pass moment” and ride my newfound faith off into the sunset of happy endings. But as we both know, it doesn’t work like that. In life, you have to make your own happy endings.

Recently, I was blessed to attend a conference where I heard the indigenous keynote speaker give a presentation on professional team building. To give a very short synopsis, he equated team building with canoe paddling, and discussed how every single person in the voyaging canoe has a distinct and valued job. What a dose of perspective! For the people of Oceania, deep sea voyages were the foundation of traditional society. The role of the navigator is invaluable for many reasons, but in the midst of a storm, he or she must be able to navigate without sight, especially when each direction looks as dismal as the next.

In Polynesian culture, to successfully navigate a deep sea voyage, the navigator must always know where they are in relation to Tahiti. The ocean is unpredictable, and many things can happen at sea, but no matter what, you must never lose sight of Tahiti. Even when the way is dark, a master navigator will hold the image of Tahiti in their mind and chart the direction of the canoe on the compass of their na’au (their gut, their heart, and their faith).

For weeks I have floundered at sea, lost in the raging storm that has become my life. I’ve taken some hits, I’ve hunkered down, and I’ve wallowed long enough. I think it is finally time for me to fix my eyes once again on Tahiti and set out for shore. Will you journey with me in my canoe?

When a crew makes ready for a long voyage it is critical that each member of the team supports the purpose and mission of the journey. Sometimes there are people who desire to be a member of the crew, but they are not willing to uphold the vision of the navigator. Traditionally, those individuals are released with the words, “This canoe is not for you.”

How many times have we found ourselves in a canoe that was not meant for us? I’ve been so desperate to get into someone else’s canoe, so desperate for a chance to prove myself, a chance to be loved, a chance to be a part of something great… that I neglected my own canoe. My own heart. My own vision. I allowed the enemy to take the helm and trapped in my own fear, I lost sight of Tahiti.

For a long time, I filled my canoe with people who wanted me not for who I was as a person, but for what I could do for them. I believed that if I worked hard enough I could steer the canoe, set the pace, call the strokes, AND find Tahiti. (All without compromising the integrity of my heart.) I realize now, (as much as it pains me to admit it), that I can’t do it all. And really, I don’t have to! It’s time to re-group, re-calculate, and ensure that everyone paddling in my canoe has a clear understanding of the vision.

Where does faith fit into my journey? Just as Tahiti can stand as a metaphor for the mythical land of origins, Kahiki, to me Tahiti symbolizes the center of my faith, Jesus Christ. I am navigating this canoe with the vision of deepening my faith, seeking a closer relationship with God and attempting to be more like Him in the midst of trial and tribulation.

Not gonna lie, its been tough. With my eyes open all I can see are the clouds that obscure my view of the path, and recently its felt like night every day (without the stars). But after weeks of darkness, I finally understand that if I close my eyes and rely on the compass of my heart, my faith is a brightly burning beacon before me. And just like that, I can see Tahiti again! Finally, after months of wandering, I know my direction.

Thank you for journeying with me!

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 “You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:13)